by Nicole Comis | Aug 14, 2024 | Mindset
We all have unconscious programming, created from our past, that influences how we see the world, other people, and ourselves.
Sometimes, the hardest lessons come from those we love the most. That’s what’s what happened to me. A couple of months ago, my brother said something that really hurt my feelings.
I cried, and I bitched to my parents about what a jerk he was. For days, I was totally in my shit, acting like a complete victim!
Until my mom opened my eyes when she said, “You have always had your brother on a pedestal. And you’ve been fighting for his approval since you were a little, little girl.”
That’s when I realized it wasn’t what my brother said that was the issue.
It was my unconscious programming that twisted his words into, “He thinks I’m an idiot!”
The conversation had triggered deep childhood wounds – wounds that I wasn’t even aware were there.
At that moment, I stopped being upset with my brother. I realized I had some work to do on my unconscious beliefs, especially regarding our relationship in childhood.
This experience was a powerful reminder of the importance of personal development and the impact our unconscious programming has on our lives.
Personal development isn’t just about learning new skills or setting goals. It’s about digging deep and uncovering the unconscious programming that shapes our lives.
In my case, I realized that my comments weren’t the problem—my interpretation of them was.
Personal development is an ongoing journey. It requires a willingness to look within and challenge the beliefs that no longer serve us.
And sometimes, it takes a moment of vulnerability and a bit of insight from others to spark that growth.
So, next time you find yourself triggered or upset…take a step back and ask yourself, “What belief is driving this reaction?”
You might just discover a path to greater self-awareness and personal freedom.
by Nicole Comis | Jul 31, 2024 | Beliefs, Mindset
Have you ever noticed how your thoughts shape your reality?
Our brains have their own operating system. And just like a computer, it’s always running in the background.
Let’s break it down:
Our beliefs create our thoughts.
Our thoughts create our feelings.
Our feelings dictate our actions.
Our actions become our results.
Did you know the average person’s thoughts are 70-80% negative?
That’s a lot of negative self-talk!
Imagine what results you’ll get if most of your thoughts are focused on what’s wrong or not good enough. Probably not the kind of results that align with your BIG goals and dreams, right?!?
If you want to change your results, you have to start with your beliefs.
Think of it this way: Your conscious mind is the goal-setter, the part of you that decides what you want. But it’s your unconscious mind that’s the goal-getter, the part that controls your beliefs and thoughts and drives your actions and habits, often without you even realizing it.
Aligning your unconscious beliefs with your conscious goals can create a powerful shift in your life. It’s all about reprogramming your “operating system” to support the life you want to live.
So, if you’re finding yourself stuck or not going after your BIG dreams, take some time to explore your beliefs. They might be the key to unlocking your full potential!
by Nicole Comis | Nov 18, 2019 | Gratitude
When was the last time you took the time to acknowledge, let alone celebrate everything you have?
So many of us lose sight of all the things we have and everything we accomplish because we’re so focused on the future and the next goal. It’s human to want more: more success, more accomplishments, more things, more validation, more, more, more.
Gratitude allows us to stop, be present, and appreciate the things we have. It shifts us from focusing on what’s missing, to enjoying what we have right now. It allows us to look at life through a positive lens, which not only creates more happiness but helps build stronger relationships, improves how we handle the challenges we face, and can even improve our health.
Did you know that scientists have discovered that feelings of gratitude can actually change your brain? Some studies have shown that feeling gratitude can activate areas of the brain that release dopamine and serotonin—the “feel-good” chemicals. I even found research that shows that people who have greater feelings of gratitude have increased activity in the hypothalamus, which impacts our hormones, digestion, and emotions.
So, what I’m saying is that taking the time to appreciate what you have not only can increase your happiness, but it might also make you healthier!
Look around you. There are lots of things to be grateful for. Let’s start with the things most of us take for granted: food, water, clothes, fresh air, and the roof over our heads. Then there are your own personal successes to acknowledge: small wins like you got up early and went to the gym or big achievements like you got that promotion. Celebrate all of them!
And while you are practicing gratitude, it’s just as important to practice acceptance and forgiveness—they go hand in hand. Learn to forgive and be grateful for the people and events in your life. Even the things that sucked and the people that hurt you contributed to your growth and who you are today.
Many years ago, I decided to stop living life with regrets and started being grateful for my past—even the really shitty stuff. I chose to believe that everything that has happened in my life has brought me to where I am and made me who I am. I chose to learn the lessons in my mistakes and failures. And I chose to believe that some things didn’t work out because they weren’t right for me. And as a result, I’m a lot happier.
Gratitude is a practice, and like with anything new you learn, the more you do it, the easier it will become. Here are some ways to practice gratitude in your life:
Keep a gratitude journal. Create a habit of writing down three things you’re grateful for each morning. If you want to take it to the next level, write out why you are grateful for each one of those things.
Acknowledge someone in your life. Take the time to acknowledge someone in your life for who they are and what they bring to your life. If you can’t do it in person, write them a letter or give them a call.
Reflect on your day. At the end of the day, reflect on your successes and accomplishments. Write down the things that went well, and for those that didn’t, look for opportunities to learn and grow.
Pray. If you have a spiritual practice, thank God for the things you have in your life.
Living life with a sense of gratitude has totally changed my life. It allows me to focus on all the good stuff I have and not on the things that are missing. That doesn’t mean I’m not going after creating bigger and better things, but I’m not letting the things I don’t have, control my happiness or my value.
Try it out for yourself and see the difference it can make in your mindset—and your happiness.
Nicole Comis, Certified Life & Executive Coach, helps business owners and other career-driven professionals achieve their BIG career goals while integrating more balance into their lives. She partners with her clients to gain clarity on what they want their future to look like, face their fears, identify obstacles holding them back, and create a plan to help them achieve BIG, stretchy goals that are outside of their comfort zone. Her coaching practice incorporates her client’s whole life, not just their career, leading to a more balanced, productive, healthy, and happy life. Nicole is a graduate and certified coach from the Accomplishment Coaching Coaches Training Program and is accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF) as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Nicole’s high-energy, judgment-free, fun, no-BS approach helps men and women live a more balanced life with a career they love, fulfilling relationships, a healthy well-being, and killer confidence!
by Nicole Comis | Oct 29, 2019 | Mindset, Personal Growth
Public speaking. Networking. Applying for a new job. Asking for a promotion or raise. Starting a business. Sharing your feelings.
Do any of these freak you out a little? It’s totally normal if they do, they’re some of the most common fears. But if you take time to dig a little deeper, you’ll discover that these “fears” are just symptoms of your more significant fears. You know, the shit that paralyzes you from moving forward on your BIG goals and dreams: fear of rejection, failure, shame, judgment, abandonment…
These fears are powerful! They limit you and your vision by creating blinders to what is possible. They keep you small and prevent you from achieving the things you want in life.
We all have fear. Hell, we’re human. But when we acknowledge our fears and practice taking action in spite of them, these fears lose their power over us, and the inner critic inside our head begins to settle down.
Take the time to understand our fears and where they came from.
All of our fears, big or small, come from our limiting beliefs. These beliefs were developed during our childhood, typically before we were even 8 years old. Our parents, teachers, religion, culture, friends, peers, media, our circumstances…everything and everyone in our environment helped create our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. And as we grew older, we collected more and more evidence that these beliefs were the truth.
When you were young, think of how many times someone said, “don’t talk to strangers!” Although it kept you safe as a kid, it might have also created a belief that the world is dangerous, and we can’t trust people we don’t know. As adults, that message might have created a fear around networking or dating.
Believe it or not, I used to be terrified of public speaking. I’m talking the pit in your stomach, sweaty palms, feeling like I’m going to throw up kinda fear! It was so bad that when I was in the mortgage business, I talked my boss into doing all of my presentations for me. The thought of standing in front of the room with dozens of eyes looking at me brought me back to my childhood when the teacher would call on me, and I didn’t know the answer. That’s when I developed a limiting belief that I wasn’t very smart, ultimately leading to fears of rejection, judgment, and failure.
The thing is, I totally knew my shit and was one of the best in the business at the time. But our limiting beliefs have this crazy ability to mess with our heads.
My favorite definition of fear is, “an upsetting emotion caused by a real or imagined threat of danger or pain.” Did you catch that? Fear is caused by a real or imagined threat of danger or pain. So, although fear can protect us from real danger, it also can get in the way because of the stories we create in our minds!
In my workshops, I share a story about a farmer who spent his life terrified of a huge monster. He was so obsessed with building walls to protect himself and was so consumed by his fear that he ended up pushing away his family and friends. It wasn’t until his pain and sadness became worse than his fear that he finally decided to go face to face with the monster. And guess what? He discovered the monster was much smaller than he imagined him to be.
Shining a spotlight on your fears and limiting beliefs will allow you to take actions outside of your comfort zone…in spite of your fears.
Remember that public speaking fear I mentioned earlier? Once I created awareness of my fears and limiting beliefs and got clear on my commitments and BIG goals, I was able to take baby steps outside of my comfort zone in spite of my fear. I practiced stretching myself. I started attending more networking events so I could practice giving my elevator speech. I gave mini-presentations on my business to my leads group. I accepted positions where I was responsible for running meetings. I committed to getting up in front of a room of nearly 100 women to welcome them to the Women in Business Breakfast each month for an entire year! My confidence grew, and my fears and limiting beliefs were no longer holding me back. Now, I speak as part of my business!
I think of all the times my fears stopped me from achieving the things I wanted in my life. What are your fears preventing you from having in your life? A fulfilling career? A successful business? New clients? A loving, committed, and healthy relationship?
You get to decide if you’re going to let your fears stand in the way of you achieving your BIG goals and dreams. But if you shine a spotlight on your fears, limiting beliefs, behaviors, and survival mechanisms—the crap that’s been holding you back—you can discover the courage to go after all the things you want in life!
Nicole Comis, Certified Life & Executive Coach, helps business owners and other career-driven professionals achieve their BIG career goals while integrating more balance into their lives. She partners with her clients to gain clarity on what they want their future to look like, face their fears, identify obstacles holding them back, and create a plan to help them achieve BIG, stretchy goals that are outside of their comfort zone. Her coaching practice incorporates her client’s whole life, not just their career, leading to a more balanced, productive, healthy, and happy life. Nicole is a graduate and certified coach from the Accomplishment Coaching Coaches Training Program and is accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF) as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Nicole’s high-energy, judgment-free, fun, no-BS approach helps men and women live a more balanced life with a career they love, fulfilling relationships, a healthy well-being, and killer confidence!
