Reading Time:

Creating Fulfilling Relationships

When I decided to read, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman as a way to support my clients in creating more fulfilling marriages, I had no idea it would also change the future of all my relationships.

Chapman’s theory is that each one of us has one primary and one secondary love language. He explains how speaking your significant other’s love language is an important piece to them feeling loved, contributing to a more fulfilling marriage.

​Although the intention of the book is to help married couples develop stronger relationships, discovering my love languages opened my eyes to how I could create more fulfilling relationships in every area of my life.

Since I believe understanding your own needs is the foundation of having strong, healthy, and successful relationships I’m going to put a different spin on Chapman’s theory and share why I think it’s important for you to discover YOUR love languages.

First, let’s do a quick rundown of each of the 5 Love Languages …

Words of Affirmation 
Hearing, “I love you!” is SUPER important to you, but you also crave compliments and being told that you are appreciated.

  • “You’re beautiful!”
  • “Thanks for being such a great friend!”
  • “You’re doing an awesome job!”

Acts of Service
You know the saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? You feel loved when someone does something to make your life easier.

  • Your mom runs an errand for you because she knows you have a busy week.
  • Your boyfriend gets up at the crack of dawn to take you to the airport instead of you having to deal with parking or taking an uber.
  • Your friend brings you soup when you’re home sick.

Receiving Gifts 
Receiving a thoughtful gift makes you feel important; however, these gifts have nothing to do with being materialistic. They mean that someone is thinking about you, which you see as evidence that they value your relationship.

  • Your husband picks up your favorite dessert when he’s at the grocery store.
  • Your co-worker brings you coffee when she comes back from Starbucks.
  • Your daughter brings you home a dandelion when she comes in from playing with her friends.

Physical Touch 
If this is your Love Language, you’re probably a pretty touchy-feely person, and you feel emotionally satisfied when you have physical contact. Not only do you like being physically close to the people you love, i.e., cuddling on the couch, holding hands, etc., but you also feel connected to the people in your life when there is a physical exchange.

  • Friends hugs you hello.
  • Your buddy punches you in the shoulder after your team won the basketball game.
  • Even, your boss saying, “a job well done” with a pat on the shoulder makes you feel appreciated.

Quality Time
Quality time is not to be confused with quantity time. It’s not about how much time you spend together that counts as much as it’s about how connected you feel during the time you are together! If this is your love language, having quality conversations is probably really important to you.

  • Your boyfriend puts his phone away when you are on a date and gives you his undivided attention.
  • You have weekly walks with your best friend.
  • You have regular calls to connect with your sister who lives in another state.

​Learning your primary and secondary love language will support you in understanding what you need in order to feel valued in every relationship in your life.

Don’t get me wrong…each love language contributes to having successful relationships, but if your primary love languages are neglected chances are you’ll feel disconnected and unsatisfied in that relationship.

For example, quality time is my primary love language and receiving gifts is the least important to me, so I would much rather have my friends go out with me to celebrate my birthday rather than have them buy gifts. But you better believe my heart lights up if one of my nephews (or one of the special kiddos in my life) gives me a gift they made.

What makes you feel that someone cares about you?

If you don’t know, an excellent way to figure it out is to think about how you show others you care about them. After all, most of us treat the people the way we want to be treated.

Discovering your love languages is the foundation to having healthy and fulfilling relationships, but ultimately it’s your responsibility to use that information to make sure you are getting your needs met.

Once I realized quality conversations was my key to feeling connected, I was able to reinvent the relationships in my life and create new ones that meet my needs. Now, my relationships are stronger and more fulfilling than they have ever been.

Are you ready to Learn Your Love Language?!??!?

Nicole Comis, Certified Life & Executive Coach, helps business owners and other career-driven professionals achieve their BIG career goals while integrating more balance into their lives. She partners with her clients to gain clarity on what they want their future to look like, face their fears, identify obstacles holding them back, and create a plan to help them achieve BIG, stretchy goals that are outside of their comfort zone. Her coaching practice incorporates her client’s whole life, not just their career, leading to a more balanced, productive, healthy, and happy life. Nicole is a graduate and certified coach from the Accomplishment Coaching Coaches Training Program and is accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF) as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Nicole’s high-energy, judgment-free, fun, no-BS approach helps men and women live a more balanced life with a career they love, fulfilling relationships, a healthy well-being, and killer confidence!


September 15, 2017

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